I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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