very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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