3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
