its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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