thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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