Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
