12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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