Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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