You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
