kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
