were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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