I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
