the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My life is pants optional.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
