I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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