You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
