Who did Billy Mays play for?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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