Don't you send me to vm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
