i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
