i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
