I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
