I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
