D3 body, D1 cock
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
