fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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