first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
