I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
