I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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