my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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