Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
