the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
