i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
