Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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