Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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