Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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