Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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