I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
