You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How does one acquire holy water?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
