im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
