I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
