Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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