jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sext me about skeletons
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
