The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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