I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
