I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
