my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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