next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
