If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
