I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
