We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Who died my cat blue again?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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