So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
