Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
